Today I posted my “before” photo on Instagram. It was sobering in that I got to see how I looked and finally have the strength to own my situation, my circumstances and most importantly myself.
My soon to be ex Husband had always been abusive. At first it started with the silent treatment, then name calling and finally all the way to having a knife held at my throats with him saying “I want to cut your throat”. The sad thing, because it was gradual, I didn’t realise I was losing myself to his words. He would start with compliments followed by suggestions of improvement, for instance, you’ve got such potential if only you could be calmer. Given I was addicted to growth I would work to please him, to be better. After all, isn’t that what love is all about.
Before long I started to think I wasn’t worth much. I would start to worry if I had friends because he would get possessive and tell me they were bad. I started to doubt my ability because he would tell me I was stupid and then follow it up with a bunch of flowers and I love you.
You see, no one deserves domestic violence, no one deserves abuse. I was reading a campaign that talked about how to stop domestic abuse and the focus was on the abuser. I think this is a waste of time. The only way to stop abuse is to strengthen yourself in love that you would never tolerate any kind of abuse or even entertain its presence in your life.
I am doing that today – I am determined to make myself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually strong. I am going to strengthen myself in love, dignity, grace and respect. To know myself so well that no one can ever make me feel less than.
To my ex husband, I wish you all the best. I wish you a life where you no longer find your power in beating up and abusing women. I release you from my life and I thank you for making me the woman I know in my heart that I am…. beautiful, loving and stunning to the core.
I’m keeping my unicorn head on for protection as we are still in the process of separation. I’m not going to silence myself as he plays legal games.